Saturday, January 28, 2006

anger anger everywhere

Okay, not really. But there's another thing I was thinking lately about anger.

No, wait, first a disclaimer:
I'm too lazy to search*, but I suspect there are many books on this subject written by people who are smarter, better educated, and more experienced than I am. However, I prefer to think that the conclusions I come to while driving home from work are the ones that are worth sharing with others. Plus, reading up on the subject would be way too much work...

So, the point. Two main things make us angry:

1) When we, or something important to us, is threatened. Our health & safety, our posessions, our family, our physical or emotional security. (See previous post about putting people in the Destroyer category.)

2) When our plans are thwarted. When we have an agenda or an expectation, and we are forced to change or abandon it. Typically, we are not harmed or threatened in any way, but we tend to feel the same emotion that we do when we are.

(Of course, sometimes both things are present: We intended to pay the heating bill, but our brother-in-law didn't pay back the money he said he would.)

Anyway, try this: the next time you feel angry, ask yourself if anyone is threatening or harming you. Chances are, they're not. Ask yourself if what you're angry about requires a great deal of time/effort/money to deal with. Lots of times the new plan isn't a serious hardship, it's just different -- you might be surprised how many times you have to admit that the main thing going on is simply "I had an agenda, and someone messed with it."

*I'd have to type the word "anger" into Google, plus there's all the clicking...


At Mon Jan 30, 04:34:00 PM PST, Blogger heatherfeather said...

clicking and typing is exhausting.

in fact, i need a nap just after this comment.


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