Tuesday, November 09, 2004

I am the father of a teenager

...which is to say, I am perpetually on the verge of shooting an aneurysm or committing daughter-cide.

I know teenagers are desperate to develop their individuality, to establish more and more independence.
I know they will unconciously seek conflict in order to ease the developing separation from their parents and family.
I know they will even make choices that deep down they know are stupid, just to make the choice *theirs*.

But lawsy-me and goodness gracious! What are they thinking sometimes?

The general course of events is as follows:
  1. The daughter presents me (or more accurately, the world in general) with a problem.
  2. Dad (that's me) or Mom will suggest a course of action that enables her to fulfill her responsibilities AND achieve the outcome she wants.
  3. But will she do that? She will not. She will choose another plan -- a plan guaranteed to end in failure, a plan that relies heavily on things like "Then in step two, a miracle occurs."
  4. And when the relied-upon miracle fails to occur, when the laws of space and time continue to operate in the same fashion they always have (can you imagine), we have end-of-the-world dramatics, hysterical blame, recriminations, self-loathing, and assertions that no one understands her, her life is not bearable, and that she is treated like a criminal while her little brother is loved, coddled, and indulged (I know that last one seems irrelevant, but believe me: there is no subject too remote for that to be dragged into the conversation).
Which leads me to another question: Why does everything for a 14-yr-old girl HAVE TO BE SUCH A GIGANTIC FREAKING DEAL? What could she possibly be getting out of these incredible bouts of emotional incontinence and verbal self-indulgence?

Anyway, there you have it. I predict it won't be long until I stand before you a broken and bitter man. In the meantime, pray for me. And if possible, send Valium.


At Tue Nov 09, 11:37:00 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My, but that was a good read. I would send valium, but my doctor sort of cut me off. He said my narcotics usage was on the borderline of dangerous, so I shot him.
Why he had to make such a gigantic deal out of the whole thing is beyond me. -Kire

At Sun Nov 14, 11:29:00 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Daughter says:
Has it ever occurred to you that you ay not have the whole story? That MAYBE, just MAYBE, you don't have everything EXACTLY ANALYZED and your daughter may not be stupidly relying on sheer miraces to solve problems, thus ensuring disaster, perfectly comical enough for you to mock and put in your amazingly charismatic blog, if somewhat altering the truth of the matter for the sole purpose of entertainment?
Of course not. ;)

At Tue Mar 28, 10:23:00 AM PST, Blogger Jsai1 said...

YOU ARE HILARIOUS! YOU SHOULD BE A STAND UP COMEDIAN! I LOVE L-O-V-E YOUR BLOGS!!! YOUR DAUGHTER SHOULD BE PART OF THE ACT!!!! If it makes you feel any better, your life makes me SMILE and my co-workers feel the need to tell me to "quiet down......why are you crying?..."

You've even inspired me to start my own blog. I can only hope to be half as great as you...especially because although my life is pretty good, I don't think it's half as entertaining as yours!

Don't worry......you'll get through.

At Thu May 23, 08:21:00 PM PDT, Blogger ayac said...



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