Wednesday, February 14, 2007

sweetie, wheah's mah white sheet? i'm goin' foah a rahd...

A few yrs ago* someone at work -- call her Rachel -- told me that so-and-so (white person) did not like me and considered me a racist and a jerk.

The jerk part I was okay with, but I didn't want to be a racist, so I asked Rachel to find out why so-and-so felt that way -- maybe I *was* a racist and didn't know it (how many times do you hear "I'm not prejudice [sic], but...")

Turns out that according to so-and-so, she had heard me use the N-word at a company function. Specifically, while mic'ed for the company talent show, I had said "I'm not your n____" to the VP of Marketing.

I knew this was utter BS, but it took me a while to figure out what so-and-so was talking about:

I was waiting to do my little song/guitar act, and the VP was helping me adjust the microphones. He was goofing around, pretending he was announcing a sporting event, then stuck the mic in my face and said "What do you have to say about that?" I was taken by surprise, and said [drum roll, please] "I'm not your color guy." **

So-and-so obviously thought she heard "I'm not your colored guy", was understandably offended, and later in her own mind converted my quote to include the N-word.

When I figured it out, I told Rachel, who told so-and-so. So-and-so laughed, and the whole misunderstanding was cleared up. No, wait, that would be the movie version. What happened was that so-and-so said "I heard what I heard."

So that was that. All's well that ends well, and you can call me the George Wallace of the 1990's.

*Thx to Extrem for reminding me of this...

** In case it's not common knowledge: sporting events are often covered by two people: a play-by-play announcer who tells what's happening on the field, and a color announcer ("color guy" before women got into the business) who gives background and extra depth to the coverage.


At Wed Feb 14, 12:44:00 PM PST, Blogger dkgoodman said...

So-and-so is a racist. :)

At Wed Feb 14, 01:39:00 PM PST, Blogger blogball said...

So is a common Asian name particularly in China and it’s considered an insult to use the term "So and so" because it suggests that Asian’s are common people.
So to me it’s pretty obvious that you really did use the N word.

At Wed Feb 14, 03:07:00 PM PST, Blogger jay are said...

"I heard what I heard" which is exactly why witnesses on the witness stand, giving their first-hand account of what happened, cannot be relied on. They might have honest, sincere intentions but they "saw what they saw" and "heard what they heard" and often it's not at all what happened.

At Wed Feb 14, 05:14:00 PM PST, Blogger Extrem4 said...

Well, I can recall at least one other racial insensitivity by our dear Bryan leveled at the Asian community. I will give Bryan a clue to jog his memory and then I will let him decide if he cares to tell another story of his obvious racism.
"How do you tell if your home is broken into by an Asian gang?
Aren't you glad I don't have Alzheimer's yet and can recall all of this ancient history? The good news is that when you run for president many of your skeletons will be out of the closet. Well, I had better quit as I realize I have likely offended all those in the gay community and those who have or are caring for people suffering from Alzheimer's.

At Wed Feb 14, 07:02:00 PM PST, Blogger unca said...

Bryan's true story is hillarious (except for the fact that so-and-so didn't buy it).

At Thu Feb 15, 04:12:00 AM PST, Blogger Alan said...

"George Wallace of the 1990's."

Ex-governor or the comedian?

At Thu Feb 15, 06:26:00 AM PST, Blogger bryan torre said...

good points, everyone.
alan, i meant the anti-integration governor (who apparently later in life recanted/repented/whatever).
extrem: fine, i'll air more dirty laundry. at least it'll be about meeeeee...


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