This makes me sad
...and frustrated, and a whole host of other things.
It's a woman's very candid expression of resentment and anger she has toward her husband after years covering infertility treatment, pregnancy, and birth. She freely and frequently admits that some of it is petty or irrational, yet the feelings remain. And clearly not just for her, but for nearly all of her commenters as well.
Some of it makes me annoyed with the husbands involved (hers and her commenters') -- what's up wit' dat, guys?
Some of it blows me away (to confess that is to perhaps reveal how little know about women, I don't know...) I want to say to the wives "are you actually serious?"
Most of it just makes me ask questions:
- do most women see these feelings as normal? reasonable?
- are women aware how difficult it is for a lot of men to understand these feelings?
- why aren't there classes to teach men about this stuff?
- who in the world ever dreamed up the idiotic idea that men and women are basically the same, with the difference being plumbing and a bit of socialization?
- did Hannah feel some of these things? (Note: I already know the answer to this one.)
- what are the implications of this kind of thinking WRT the institution of marriage?
- what would be the reaction of men or women to a similar list of resentments from a man's POV? (eg, "I know it's petty, but I resent her because I can't sleep with my secretary.")
- clearly, much grief could be avoided if men understood better where women are coming from; but is the converse also true?: that if women understood men's priorities and feelings better, they might not feel so resentful? or is it so much an issue of emotion that it doesn't matter what you *know*, feelings are going to be what they are?
- is it reasonable or productive for men to want women to understand their perspective on issues like the above?
- does the tremendous physical and emotional effort/sacrifice this woman has made entitle her to a little irrational rage about things?
My impression was (and she mentions this) that it's not so much about logic, but rather about how a person feels. Which brings me to this: if it's not about A-therefore-B, how does it make sense to say "I feel rage *about* X." It feels more like she's been left with a reservior of general, non-specific rage and unhappiness, and some of the things she resents about her husband or his behaviour are simply convenient handles to hang it on.
Or maybe I'm wrong.
But I bet I'm right about this: this blog returns far too often to gender issues, and it's getting to be a bore. All I can say is: Sorry, kids. They tell you to write from your own experience, and this has been big for me for the last 15-20 yrs of my life. Maybe I'll cut it out soon, but no promises.