Wednesday, May 24, 2006


If you don't read Robert Ludlum, the following will not be funny.
Actually, the chances of it being funny are pretty slim either way.
Don't say I didn't warn ya.

The gray sedan cruised slowly through the darkened city, the glare from the headlights illuminating the rain-slick street. The driver of the car was distracted, confused, as he guided the vehicle carefully around the corners, through the night. He seemed to be searching for something -- a pattern, a plan, some link to the cipher that was his mission.
Suddenly a thought pierced his brain: ice cream! That was it! Ice cream was the key! The man gripped the steering wheel in a claw-like grip as a thousand thoughts rushed through his mind with gripping intensity. He knew, with a knowledge born of knowing, that ice cream was his purpose, the central element that put in motion the chain of events bringing him to this place.
Powerful, far-reaching decisions had been made in small, cramped rooms, rooms in which powerful decisions were made. Strategies had been developed, orders given, operations put in place, anonymously with complete deniability, the sources reaching to the highest levels of security and four-zero clearance.
Fragments of conversation came back to him, as if from a former existence. He saw in his mind the one who was his life, his everything, standing by the garbage pail in the kitchen.
"Oh my darling, my love! You are my life, my everything! Please go get some ice cream" she had said.
"I will go." he had replied, knowing the pain his leaving would cause. "But I will come back to you, my darling, my love."
Where there had been indecision before, now there was purpose, as the man in the car increased the speed of the vehicle. He gripped his Graz-Burya automatic tightly in his right hand, his left guiding the car to its destination, the parking lot of 7-11. He ran, crouching, under the hot white lights in the front of the store, then dove through the double glass doors, rolling over and over, ignoring the needles of white hot ice cold pain that burst like fire -- or possibly ice -- through his sprained wrist and shoulder.
"I hate it when that happens!" he snarled at the startled clerk, a young Black with fine features. Pointing the automatic with its silencer in place at the clerk, the man limped to the freezer and withdrew a half gallon of Maple Walnut. He threw several thousand francs on the counter and slipped through the door into the night.


At Thu May 25, 08:52:00 PM PDT, Blogger unca said...

Absolutely laugh-out-loud. It made me remember whey I don't want to read any more Robert Ludlum. I've continued the theme, below with:
"Ernest Hemingway Goes for Ice Cream"
He knew that he wanted the ice cream but that was all. He had thought of other foods but always his thoughts returned to the ice cream and the store where the black man would sell him the ice cream. He remembered the times his father came with him to show him the store and how to ask for ice cream and say what he wanted to the black man. The memory was something close to him now and a way to remember his father and his father’s bravery. Today would be the day he used the gun to get the ice cream. He pulled the car into the 7Eleven parking lot and gazed at the man behind the counter. He thought about the many times his father had told him of the 7-Eleven men and the way they could find so many flavors and make the change from the dollars. “It has been the same for many years at this store,” he thought. “The same as when I was a boy.” But this time he was alone and he had the gun and it was up to him to get the ice cream. He drew the gun from the holster and walked in with the gun by his side. He did not look at the black man this time and did not ask him for ice cream. He opened the freezer door while he pointed the gun in the air. He took two pints of Rocky Road and walked out of the store; he drove into the dusk toward home where his wife now waited for the secret knock that drew them together--anxious to share his ice cream and his courage.

At Thu May 25, 10:36:00 PM PDT, Blogger anya ransuns aka Roxy said...

AAAAAaahahhhaahaha! You guys are hilarious. I love it. Perfect.

At Fri May 26, 12:30:00 PM PDT, Blogger blogball said...

I’m not quite as well read as you guys.

Here’s my contribution

Dick and Jane go for Ice Cream

See Dick walk to the store
See Jane walk with Dick to the store
“Look at Spot”
“Look and see”
“Come Spot Come”
“Come, Come”
See Spot follow Dick and Jane to the store
See Dick buy ice Cream from the black man
“Thank you” said Dick
“Thank you” said the black man
See Dick and Jane walk home
See Spot follow Dick and Jane
See Dick give the ice cream to Sally
“Thank you” said Sally
See Sally drop her ice cream
“Oh no” said sally
“Oh, oh, oh,”
“Look” said Sally
“Look, look”
“Look at Puff”
See Puff eating the ice cream
“Puff is funny” said Dick
“Funny, funny Puff”

At Tue May 30, 03:48:00 PM PDT, Anonymous si said...

i'm more in blogball's literary guild of "see dick & jane"... blogball: very funny as usual.

[sorry for the reply back to blogball on bryan's blog -- it seems that blogball USED to have a blog himself, but apparently no longer. of course, easy for a non-blogger to give a bad time...] :)

At Tue Jun 06, 11:22:00 PM PDT, Blogger jay are said...

these are great. Robert Ludlum has NOTHIN' on you guys. I'd do one in the Harlequin Romance theme, but it might not be proper for now.

At Thu Jun 08, 12:44:00 PM PDT, Blogger bryan torre said...

kudos to all. :-)

At Fri Jun 09, 07:34:00 PM PDT, Blogger mamacita said...

You guys are all terrific!!! I'm going to think of an author to do.

At Tue Oct 31, 03:49:00 AM PST, Blogger Theunis Sjoerd said...

nice blog man, take a look at my blog with the same lay-out:, and leave you comment!
theunis sjoerd elzinga

At Tue Dec 30, 02:54:00 PM PST, Blogger Mahesh said...

The Ludlum style was right on...I was actually chuckling away..however I didn't quite get why UNCA said he didn't want to read Ludlum anymore.....


Post a Comment

<< Home