Wednesday, December 21, 2005

divorce chuckles. i mean news.

On the (dubious) theory that people want to know how I'm doing, here's the dealio*:

We are doing as well as can be expected, I think. It's an adjustment for the kids -- sometimes David is happy to talk about how he feels, and other times he just doesn't want me to mention it.

Samantha seems mostly concerned about logistics -- housing issues, etc.

I am doing fine. Aaaabsolutely great. Yessirree, one hundred and ten percent, zero defects. (Sob.)

Just kidding. I really am doing well. As I have said to others, the heartache and crying were during the years when things were hard between us and we couldn't seem to make a loving marriage happen. Now that it's being settled, it's actually a bit of a relief. Maybe it's easier to get along with someone if you're just working out childcare and financial logistics rather than hoping they'll prove they love you by doing or being certain things. So far, 99% of the time things are cordial and we are focusing on minimizing the pain and suffering for the kids.

For anyone curious, we are engaged in something called "collaborative divorce", fairly new in WA. It's a step beyond mediation, but it's not the agonizing adversarial court process that can be so difficult for everyone involved. (It's also cheaper, but still costs between 5-10K; not exactly free...)

The custody arrangement is week-on-week-off, with holidays split by mutual agreement. The weeks Hannah has the kids are the weeks I travel for my job.

We'll be selling the house, probably in the Spring. I'm currently still living in it; Hannah's renting a very nice townhouse a couple of miles away.

Hannah has a little over a year of school left to be a massage therapist. She spends a lot of time studying; she also does occasional painting jobs and teaches kickboxing. Knowing her as I do, I suspect it's not easy for her, but it's good that she's gained a lot of independence and confidence, and I imagine she enjoys having freedom to do as she likes on her weeks off. I would say she's as healthy emotionally and physically as she has been for a long time, which is good.

I'll be supporting her for a few years, but apparently alimony is no longer forever like it used to be; child support (50% since I have them half of the time) is until the kids are 18, but I suspect there will be a fair amt of child-supporting going on after that as well... ;-)

Once again, thank you to everyone who has been so kind and supportive.

*sorry about that


At Wed Dec 21, 09:26:00 PM PST, Blogger jay are said...

I'm glad things are going well. That's my public statement. Should you ever be interested in my private one, you'll have to contact me :) Seriously, tho, sad it's happening; glad it's not terrible like it could be. hang in there.

At Fri Dec 30, 02:05:00 AM PST, Blogger anya ransuns aka Roxy said...

I am happy that things are going pretty much as well as expected under the circumstances. I am sad that the heartaches and crying were years ago and we didn't know about it. :(

At Sat Dec 31, 03:24:00 PM PST, Blogger Faye_Hart said...

Glad things are going well for you.
Hope this year brings you happiness.


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