the guys with the thighs

OK, my deal is that jeans never fit me. If I get a pair with a small enough waist, I can't get my thighs (or my butt) into them. If I get them big enough in the leg, I end up with enough room in the waist to smuggle illegal aliens (hopefully Penelope Cruz).
It's taken me a while, but yesterday I finally figured out that instead of buying regular jeans in my size (34"), I need to get baggy ones in 32". So then they fit like regular, but are also tight enough in the waist.
Having a big butt/thighs is a black stereotype (for anyone who's been lost in space for the last 400 yrs). I wonder if I'm the first white guy to have this problem and figure out what to do about it. I suspect not...

In a related story (also not interesting), when buying a suit there's typically about a 6" drop from chest to waist size. Athletic cut suits are 8". Since I'm a 44" jacket and a 34" pant, I always have to have the pants taken in, and the guy always says the same thing: Oh, no problem, our tailor can fix that, they'll fit perfectly. And they never do. They always look like 36" pants that have been altered to 34". They don't drape right, they bunch and gather and look stupid. The only thing that works is if they'll let me take the slacks from one suit and match it with the jacket from another. Which they almost never do. Dirtbags.

So anyway, I heard there was a contest to see who could write the most boring and pointless blog post. What did I win?