your mileage may vary

sometimes when people drink, they think they're way funnier than they actually are.
the following are things that a close friend of mine has said over the last few years while his heart was merry with wine...:

"Damn, you're BIG mother****er, aren't you?"

"Dude, you're gay. How did I miss that?"

"Irish, are you? Well, try not to let it bother you..."

"Are you with him? Hmm. And are you happy with that?"

"Dude, you're rocking some major sideburns there. Did somebody tell you that looked good?"

"You know you've been dying to kiss me since I walked in. Admit it."

"It's okay if you're retarded; I'll talk slow, you try to keep up."

With slight lisp, to homophobic young man: "Sweetie, I would SO turn you off of women..."


They should make a T-shirt that says "Help, I'm drinking and I can't shut up..."