Monday, December 27, 2004

More dogsitting blues

We looked after my brother-in-law's schnauzer Bandit while they were out of town. We didn't realize dogs will go after used tampons, so we didn't know enough to put the bathroom wastebaskets out of reach. I wrote this juvenile song to comemmorate the occasion:

(To the tune of “Frosty the Snowman”)

Bandit Johanssen
Was a very happy dog
He barked and played and one fine day
Ate tampons like a hog.

Bandit Johanssen
Well, he came to life that day,
When he saw how at the Torres’ house
The treats were put away.

He found them in the wastebasket
And quickly ate them up.
Long and striped in red and white
Like candy canes for pups!

Bandit Johanssen
should have learned to say "enough".
When the six he ate made his tummy ache,
he began to yakk them up.

He went into the living room
and hurled up one or two.
So Hannah took him to the vet
to see what they could do.

Poor little Bandit,
There he barfed up several more,
And he vowed he'd never eat those things
That made his tummy sore.

So now he does behave himself
But secretly he dreams
Of living just with girls and women
Older than thirteen...

Bandit Johanssen,
He’s a happy friendly pup
But just in case, when he’s in your house
Better lock your tampons up!


At Mon Dec 27, 05:08:00 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like your song. At least they weren't maxi-pads...

At Tue Dec 28, 08:55:00 AM PST, Blogger No_Newz said...

LMFAO! Great song! Post of the season! Yeah for pukey, I mean Bandit!
Lois Lane
P.S. thanks for getting that song stuck in my head after Christmas. :P

At Tue Dec 28, 10:31:00 AM PST, Blogger Ginny said...

Hold on a tic... Am I not supposed to flush those things?

At Tue Dec 28, 06:02:00 PM PST, Blogger bryan torre said...

well, i know a number of ppl who do flush them (my sis-in-law -- bandit's owner -- being one of them).
but i've always heard plumbers say it's a bad idea, and i know ppl who've had them clog up their waste lines...

At Wed Dec 29, 06:10:00 PM PST, Blogger anya ransuns aka Roxy said...


At Sat Jan 01, 11:29:00 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't figure out how to put my user name in properly; I think I lost it. However, I believe I was present in your home, Bryan, when this catastrophe occurred. Though part of me feared for doggie's health, another part felt that snobby schnauzers must have their come uppance (hey, comeuppance, get it?) The song was great!!!


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