joy in the morning

It is 6:55am. The schoolbus will be coming any minute.


Me: Did you brush your teeth?

Daughter: [pause]...Yes...

Me: [detecting statement that could be true in a some circumstances, but probably not in the current context] I mean, this morning.

Daughter: ...Yes?

Me: When was the last time you brushed your teeth?

Daughter: I dont' know.

Me: Go brush them now, please. In the future, when I ask you if you've brushed your teeth, the answer is only "Yes" if you've brushed them within the last five minutes.

Daughter: That's dumb, that would mean I'd have to brush my teeth every five minutes.

Me: !!! No it doesn't! I means if I ASK you, and... Just be quiet. Go brush your teeth now.

Daughter: WhatEVer. [rolls eyes and goes upstairs]

Me: Where can I buy heroin?