Saturday, December 01, 2007

man after my own heart...

NPR commentator, on a recent pickle-juice-drinking contest:

"The winner drank [blah blah] pints of pickle juice in [blah] minutes... Also a winner: anyone who chose not to compete."

AFAIC, pickles -- and all things pickled -- are the work of satan.

Cucumbers were not intended to be eaten in the first place -- they were made so immature boys can hold them up to their bodies in the supermarket when their mother isn't looking and snicker at each other as they wave them around in a vulgar way.

And vinegar is meant to be a (subtle) flavoring, like say on fish-n-chips. It is not meant to be the primary taste of a food item. Would you eat large sticks of some vegetable that came in a jar of ketchup and no longer tasted like anything but ketchup? I didn't think so.
And BTW, Korea should be part of the Axis of Evil merely for developing Kimchi and threatening others with it.

I know pickling was developed as a way to preserve food so it doesn't spoil, but at some point I think we can say "You know what? We don't have to do this any more. We have refrigerators, more efficient farming methods, plus ships and trucks and planes to bring us food from warm places. We no longer have to eat blood sausage, haggis, goose giblets, the contents of other animals' intestines, or things pickled."

My position is that if pickling is what's necessary to preserve food through the winter, then I'll wait until spring, thank you.

I think I've made my main point.

10 Comments:

At Sat Dec 01, 05:29:00 PM PST, Blogger jay are said...

mmmmm...sweet pickles. Yum.

 
At Sat Dec 01, 07:12:00 PM PST, Blogger Left Coast Sister said...

You don't even like pickled beets? Or the pickled eggs I've seen floating in pickle juice at gas stations in lonely places?
You sad, sad little man.

 
At Sat Dec 01, 08:38:00 PM PST, Blogger SoozeSchmooze said...

Gee Bryan...some people rant about the same things for their entire lives....hummmm guess pickles are not going to be part of your grown up food choices eh??? lol..

 
At Sun Dec 02, 12:14:00 PM PST, Blogger Alan said...

For a real spicy taste treat, try the mixed pickles that are shipped out of Pakistan. Yummers!

You just can't find good haggis in this country. USDA regulations prohibit the use of lungs, which gives real haggis that good mouth feel.

 
At Sun Dec 02, 09:22:00 PM PST, Blogger anya said...

Just talking about pickles, especially sweet pickles, makes my mouth water. It is watering right now. I loooove pickles and just about all pickled things. I love those little pearl onions they pickle that go in a Gibson (a martini with an onion instead of an olive - don't look at me that way, I used to be a waitress). I like crunchy dill pickles. I LOOOVE sweet pickles. And I always drink some of the sweet pickle juice when I eat a pickle, so that basically the juice is gone before all the pickles are. Yum!! Pickled beets -- awesome.

 
At Sun Dec 02, 11:58:00 PM PST, Blogger bryan torre said...

sooze: yes, you have a problem with that? ;-)

the rest of you people are diseased...

 
At Mon Dec 03, 09:48:00 PM PST, Blogger jay are said...

and one of the secret ingredients to an excellent potato salad is a bit of the sweet pickle juice in the mixture. Excellent. (But that's not the ultimate secret ingredient. It's the penultimate.)

 
At Tue Dec 04, 01:26:00 PM PST, Blogger SoozeSchmooze said...

you guys are all hilarious tormenting the non-pickle eater..but of course I believe he asked for it...and secretly enjoys being tormented..so keep up the good work...especially liked the comment about haggis(something I know nothing about in real life I might add) but have read about...

 
At Tue Dec 11, 11:38:00 AM PST, Blogger anya said...

I keep checking to see if Bryan has a new post, but instead all I see is pickles and my mouth waters (seriously) every time I click on this blog. Finally I had to get some. They have them at the dollar store -- woohoo! and they taste good. So now I have them. Everyone has fake names on here, so I need a name for my husband -- but anyway, that guy was quite amazed/horrified/impressed that after we bought them, I opened them in the car and drank some juice -- ahhhhhh -- and then ate a few. Had been thinking about pickles for like weeks because of this stupid post! Yum yum yum. Now I'm going to go and eat some more. Yay. And yes it is fun to torment him. :-)

 
At Thu Dec 13, 08:17:00 PM PST, Blogger si said...

well, i'm late again (as usual) -- i don't mind pickles, tho i can't say i'm a pickle-juice drinker... it's not like they're tacos de lengua, or anything like that! :)

my co-worker, m, who is one of the pickiest people i know, loves pickles. at the deli down the street from where we work, he'll get a little cup and stack pickles til they're overflowing to eat as a "side-dish." i'll let him know the lengua-eater is squeamish about pickles, if i haven't already.

 

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