Sunday, November 13, 2005

Okay, so here’s a fun one...

There’s no light and breezy way to say this, so here it is: Hannah and I are getting divorced. It’s a long time coming; we tried really hard for a lot of years, but we’re finally chucking in the towel.

For those of you who know us IRL, I have a request:

Sometimes in this situation there's a temptation to look for reasons, to assign blame, to take sides; it would be great if my friends could resist that urge. I like Hannah’s friends, I like her family; I’d like to stay friends with all of them. Same with my friends and family – I’d like Hannah to be able to continue those friendships if she wants to.

Hannah is a good person. She’s the mother of my children, and in some measure we’ll be bound together by that for the rest of our lives. There are any number of things I regret having done in my life, but being married to Hannah is not one of them. Though there's no longer love between us, I respect her and admire her strength of character and her courage. For myself as well as the kids, I intend to speak positively about her in the future.

I know I’ve whinged and whined a bit about my marriage in the past. Please remember that that’s just my side of the story, and give her the benefit of the doubt – not every story has a Good Guy and a Bad Guy – sometimes two people just can’t make it work.

Anyway, I don’t have any illusion that the next 6 months are going to be all fun & games. I expect turmoil and strong emotion. No one I know says getting divorced was the funnest year of their life. I just want to be the best person I can be in the situation.

A verse my uncle sent me that I like:

Life is full of froth and trouble,
Two things stand like stone:
Kindness toward another’s troubles,
Courage in our own.

PS. In case anyone cares, here’s what our kids said (paraphrased):

David: I know things aren’t good between you; if you’re going to split up, just do it. It would be easier for me if you did.

Samantha: I don’t care so much about you guys splitting up; I just don’t like having to give up our nice big house for two crappy little houses.


At Sun Nov 13, 09:15:00 AM PST, Blogger jay are said...

words can't say.

At Sun Nov 13, 03:04:00 PM PST, Anonymous si said...

i'm with jay are. it's sort of like a death in one's family (even knowing it was coming...)

my thoughts are with you & yours.

At Fri Nov 18, 01:45:00 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last year was my does get better. Your attitude says a lot. Good luck to you and your family.

At Sun Nov 20, 11:49:00 PM PST, Blogger Stephanie said...

I don't know you in real life, and in fact, I can't remember how I ever came across your blog in the first place. But I've been reading you for quite a while. I am very sorry to hear this, and yet...I hate to say it...I sensed something wasn't quite right in marriage-land from your posts. It wasn't anything bad you said, but a sense I got. So this is probably for the best. Good luck.


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