congratulations

When my little brother graduated from high school, our other brother wrote him this email...

Bro—

You are king. You did it. You were strong. You were man of oak. You poured out your heart. Your strong heart of oak. You bring to mind the old Iroquois legend of the Oak Tree:

The Oak Tree
(Iroquois Legend)

Once there was a strong oak tree that lived by a stream. Every day the little forest animals would gather to drink of the stream and rest under the shade of the strong oak tree. The tree was strong. The tree was by a stream. The tree was made of oak. Strong oak. One day, the tree thought, “When is something going to happen in my legend? So far, this is the most pointless legend of all.”

The tree called his agent. “I better start seeing some action soon, or this whole deal is OFF!” cried the tree. The agent worked fast. He called all the little forest animals together. Together they all ran to the tree and began to quote passages from James Fenimore Cooper novels. The tree was so overwhelmed by the boredom of his legend that he fell over and crushed all the little forest animals. The agent escaped but some bark from the tree got into his eye, and he didn’t go to the doctor and he went blind.

Moral: It’s all fun and games until someone loses the match they were going to burn a James Fenimore Cooper novel with.

What does this have to do with me graduating, you ask?
I’m glad you asked that question. The answer is complicated, but it has to do with trees, and being like a tree. Also with being “oaken”. The little forest animals are little parts of speech. The stream is the fount of knowledge. The agent is Leigh Steinberg. The James Fenimore Cooper novels are The Deerslayer and The Last of the Mohicans. The bark is a gerbil. The agent’s eye is a bit of cheese. The blindness is justice.

So, good job.

Love,
Ted